I am writing this at 3:00 AM. I’d like to say to those who told me international flights have more room – even in coach, “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

As we rocket across the “pond” I am reminded of…camping. My ex husband, God rest his soul, loved camping. And I was young enough and dumb enough to go along. (He’s not dead, by the way, but I always wanted to kill him after our camping trips, and it’s 3:00 AM. And I’m loopy.)

Anyway, we’d go camping and I’d lie there trying to sleep, feelinG some stray rock lodged right under my shoulder-blade. I’d toss and turn, praying for dawn when we could get the “duck” out of there.

After what seemed like eons of torture, I would open my eyes and think, SURELY, SURELY, at least 4 hours have passed, but NO. I had slept twenty minutes. 20. Minutes. I’d say to myself, “Gee, only 7 more hours of this hell to go.” And “Maybe a divorce really isn’t that terrible a thing…”

That’s what this is like. My knees are smashed into the seat in front of me. I have slept twice, twisted sideways and contorted into a position I dare Cirque du Soleil to match, and awakened both times to neck pain.

I am pleased with the As Seen On TV travel pillow, though. Without it, I think I would be a very unhappy camper. (Hubby got one out of two right. Pajama Jeans-no. Crazy round donut of a travel pillow-yes.)

I know Wales is going to be a blast. I just hope I can keep my eyes open to enjoy it. Not sure what to do for next 3 hours of flight. I already had 2 glasses of wine and half a Valium. If I DO manage to sleep, I’d like to be able to wake up and be functional. Eventually.

Hopefully, all my tossing and turning hasn’t disturbed Sandy. She’s managed to create a nest in the corner against the window. She looks so peaceful.

I hate her. But I’ll get over it.

At least one of us will be sharp enough to negotiate our way to Paddington station. Sandy promises me a shop there with bacon and cheese pasties. I can overcome my jealousy of her sleep skills – and pretty much wipe away this whole 9 hour torture fest – if there’s bacon and cheese involved.

Not sure when I will be able to post this, as wi-fi availability is undetermined as of yet. I’m sure by the time you are reading this, I will be in a much happier place, both mentally and physically. But at this point, as I complete this post, I know you people are sleeping too, and I hate you all.



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