I am having a love / hate relationship with Siri (the IPhone 4S built-in personal assistant), who genuinely TRIES to help me, but we seem to be having communication problems. Like I need someone else in my life with whom I can’t seem to make myself understood.

Siri  delighted me with her attempts, at first. I made a calendar entry for an upcoming wedding, although I couldn’t figure out how to title the entry, so at this point I just have a full day booked and in a few weeks will have no idea why the 16th of June is marked, “Note.”

I was feeling a little snoozy later on and asked her to tell me a story – and she became delightfully coy.

When I began defining my relationships for her, she just started ticking me off. I was able to convince her that Robert was my husband, so I could say something like, “Text my husband…” Then, I tried to tell her who my mother was, and she showed her true colors. “Annette is my mother,” I calmly explained. Siri repeated the relationship perfectly, but then went on to show the entry in my contact category as “Annette: Manager.” 

Humph. I tried again.  “Annette is my MOTHER.” Siri repeated the identification, but then showed me her note. “Annette: Assistant.”

While Manager and Assistant are perhaps accurate descriptions of roles my mother (or any mother for that matter) takes on, I didn’t appreciate the sarcasm. I decided to discontinue my little organizational spree, afraid of what title she might assign my friends or family. What if I designated a relationship and the little witch assigned the title, “Arch Enemy?”

Determined to sort out the misunderstanding, I pressed the button to call Siri again and informed her that “Annette is NOT my Manager.” She had the nerve to tell me she cannot delete relationships for me.

“Well, then, don’t mislabel them,” I snapped. At my phone. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Siri responded demurely.

So then I felt guilty and gave up creating relationships. (Wow, that sentence is so Freudian, I’m not even going to correct it.) 

Siri was able to tell me how many calories dinner was last night, but shied away from telling me where I could hide a dead body. (I was feeling inquisitive.) She DID graciously show me several businesses in my area that have the word “Hide” in them. Asking where to “dump” a dead body resulted in no nearby dumps.

Oh, well. At least I know if I am ever in need of such a location, (which I have no immediate plans to require), I am on my own. Or maybe my Manager/Assistant will help me out. After all, what are mother’s for?

Moving on to cheerier topics with Siri I asked, “Who will win the Super Bowl?” Instead of showing me betting odds or predictions, she asked if I wanted her to Google, “Who will win the suit?”

“What suit?” I asked, perplexed.

“I don’t know what you mean by “What seat?” the minx responded.

“Are you kidding me?”

“I kid you not.” (Snap-ish.)

So I have no idea who is going to win the Super Bowl, the suit, or the seat. But I think I know who my arch enemy is.

Yes, Siri. Be my guest.

7 thoughts on “SIRI-OUSLY

  1. You could try change the language Siri operates in? There are 3 variations of English. You can do this by going to Settings< General< Siri< Language and changing the language. Also, keep in mind that Siri is still in beta, and the expected non-beta release should be sometime this year! If you need help on anything or have some questions, you can read my help blog, called How To Work My Apple Device at


    • Thanks! I looked at the other English options, but am a little afraid of what I would think if she understands my fake Australian accent or fake British accent better than my good ole’ Texas accent. (Which is minimal, I assure you.) I will definitely be checking in for assistance!

  2. I can think of so many uses for this gadget… drop it from a ferry (to see how deep the water is), place it in a pan with your eggs (to see when they’re done), ritual burial (for future generations to find & ponder). Guess this is why I’m not allowed an iPhone!

  3. This is hilarious! I was wondering how this system worked on the new I-phone and everyone at my work thinks that it sounds so cool. From your descriptions of how she reacted to your questions she sounds like the Wii. It likes to make really snappy remarks when I haven’t been on it for a long time like, “Sarah who? I don’t know you!”

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