I went to the eye doctor last week for my yearly exam and reminder that my insurance actually pays for NOTHING. As usually, my eyesight was terrible. I’ve always had a problem with my distance vision – (Distance being anything out of arm’s reach) – but lately it’s been worse than normal. Even with my contacts in I have been unable to read the guide on the TV screen. This resulted in a great deal of frustration and eyeball contortions, finally ending with my opting to read or do activities that remained within arm’s reach.

Well, I picked up a NEW set of contacts Monday and joyfully put them in. Tah- dah!!  I could read at a distance again. Whoop! Yea!! I was feeling great about things. Then, I picked up my phone to check email and WHAT THE F&$#??!! My phone is broken! The screen must be cracked or something. I can’t read ANYTHING. I picked up a magazine. WHAT??!! This magazine is broken!  

Wait a minute…  What just happened? Did my near vision just go kaplooey overnight? Are the contacts so strong for the distance vision correction that I can’t see anything in my hands anymore?

Uhm, YES.

This is RIDICULOUS. I seriously have to put on “readers” to well, READ anything. Even the computer screen. It’s like I grew ancient OVERNIGHT. I had to go to the store immediately and buy glasses at a magnification of 1.5. The feeling of helplessness is terribly upsetting. If someone in front of me was dying and I had the instructions for how to save them in my hand, I’d have to hope the victim was conscious and able to read the instructions to me. If not, they’re screwed. I don’t even know if I could see the numbers to dial 911.

This is what I get for thinking people who needed reading glasses when they got older just weren’t trying hard enough.

Losing the ability to grab a magazine or book and flip through it without having to dig through my bottomless purse to locate reading glasses… well, it’s just depressing. Plus, you people know I will not be able to keep track of reading glasses AT ALL. Which means, I’ll have to wear them around my neck.

Perhaps attached to a noose.

I have been told you can wear a distance contact on one eye and a “reader” contact on the other eye and your brain adjusts within minutes. Sign me up. I am already tired of putting glasses on, taking glasses off. Putting glasses on, taking glasses off; and it’s just been three days!

What’s next? Hearing loss? Absence of bladder control? Inability to name a single person at the Grammy’s?

I know I should be grateful to even be here to experience the joy of impending senility, but sometimes it’s just frustrating.

Like now.

And even the thought that I am approaching the age at which I will start saying whatever I want to to anyone who annoys me and not worry what they think doesn’t brighten my day.

Well, maybe it does a little. I think I’ll start with the eye doctor.



  1. Well, I think your Dr should have told you if you need bifocals now. Hm. I remember how you feel but the good news is, if you get cataracts you can have lenses put in. Try the bifocal contact. I did. Hope it works for you. Love, Mom Not a funny occasion is it.

    Sent from my iPhone


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s